Never Forget How Far You've Come

Distant Memory

Never forget how far you've come. 

All the times you pushed on even when you felt you couldn't. 

All the mornings you got out of bed no matter how hard it was. 

All the times you wanted to give up but fought through another day. 

Never forget the strength you've gained along the way.

Recently, my husband and I walked by the place we went to during one of our dates in our late twenties (from back in the day). For the next few minutes, we both smiled and reminisced. We rehashed a small happy time, a sliver of our shared memory. That experience had been absolutely magical. One of those times you dream about when you’re a younger version of yourself. A night you get to experience, stories like these are sprinkled throughout various times in life, if you’re lucky.

At that moment, and with that realization, I began to experience a faint sadness. A grief over a tiny loss of myself. You know, that cocky, self-assured 27 year old having no idea what lay before her. The infinite potential that lay before both of us. Each new experience, I revel in.

The two people we were that day are now gone. Because we are different now, stacked up wisdom from those experiences. Those two people will never be back. I will not experience that, “first time” again. I will never get that moment in the way that we both experienced it, excited and terrified at the same time.  

There is a sweet, cocky ignorance to my younger self that has been irrevocably lost. And despite being lost for the best reasons, it still made me sad. For a few moments, I silently mourned my past the way one mourns a death. And then I move on.

Life is a long series of losses. It’s pretty much the only thing that is guaranteed in our existence. From moment to moment, year to year, we give up and leave behind former selves that we will never recover. We lose family, friends, relationships, jobs, and communities. We lose beliefs, experiences, perspectives, and passions. And ultimately, we will one day lose our existence entirely.

This is similar to those new experiences we have for the first time.

All growth requires a degree of loss. If you think back to a hard time in your life, recognize, in order to get out of those hard times, you had to accept the losses. Growth is not an euphoric or a joyous thing. Real change brings a mixture of emotions. There is grief in what was left behind along with a satisfaction at what person you have become from it. A soft sadness mixed with a simple joy. 

That same night, Leon and I continued walking. We soon came across a new restaurant that just opened. We decided to try it, a new thing that we could try; a new experience that we could share together as a NEW experience. We invited ourselves in.

This is much the experience of competing, training and doing another Ironman. I will never get back that “First time” Experience. I honor that experience. It was the Best experience, having my husband, daughter and friends cheering me on that day. And training during the year seemed to be a breeze!

This years Ironman training experience will be unique;  it is already different. I learned from the wisdom I gained in last years Ironman experiences. But, this is new course and story. 

I appreciate and honor my experiences, this time around, along with my previous years’ experience. I will hold the “first-time” Ironman close to my heart. And trust that this new path will only strengthen my core, sharpen my mind, and open my heart. It’s like girdling the diamond, it makes a dramatic difference in value. In that, I am developing a diamond in the ruff.

How you treat your own body, mind, and emotions is delicate. I am nimble; but know I can do it. New life-lessons are showing up along the way. Those are the things you cannot control. People show up, and get in your way. Health issues come up, that stop you. I keep picking myself up, wiping the seat of my pants off, and take the next step. 

That’s all I can do, just forge forward.

🏊🚴🏻🙏🏻🏃🏻‍♀️

Home is where your story begins!! 

♡

🍂☕🦋